My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your cock deserves a montage
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize