..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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