Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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