its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
