1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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