i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
