HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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