new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
