i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
