I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
