I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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