I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
