I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
