Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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