We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
