I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
did i walk over a car last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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