I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize