i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
