apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dicks are not precious.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
