I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
