Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
