Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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