Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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