He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize