Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
