I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
