Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
