i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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