Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
