my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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