i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
