So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
