I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
