The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize