between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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