i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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