I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
