I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
