Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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