Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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