Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
