So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
