When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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