Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
