dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
