I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
