I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize