do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
