I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
