Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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