you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm passing your future prison.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
