it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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