Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
