Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
