dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
