i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
