I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
