Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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