I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
