And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
