oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
