This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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