i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
