I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
