You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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