dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
