Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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