ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
