Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
