So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
