I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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