20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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