i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
