can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
