You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
