Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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